תמי - shtilim

שלום, כאן הרב אהרון איראם, מייסד קהילת אבות בת”ת איילת השחר חיפה

נראה לי שלבן שלי בן 12 יש טראומה מפיגועים, בתקופה האחרונה זה מתגבר, הוא מספר לי מדי פעם שכאשר הוא בחיידר הוא חושב אולי קרה משהו לאחד מבני המשפחה ועד שהוא מגיע הביתה ומברר שכולם בסדר הוא מאוד לחוץ. מה עלי לעשות?

לא אוכל במסגרת זו להקיף אבל אגע בקצת “סור מרע וקצת עשה טוב” ראשוניים.

ראשית תן תודה לה’ על כך שהוא משתף.

הילדים שלנו מושפעים יותר מהעמדה הנפשית שלנו מאשר ממה שאנחנו אומרים להם. ולכן, נתמקד במה שאנו מבינים ומשדרים להם, ולא רק במה שאנו אומרים.

לא כדאי להניח בלב סימן קריאה “הילד בטראומה”. אולי לא?

לא נכון לזלזל בלב, “מה החלום הזה אשר חלמת?” לא מגיע לו, וזה לא מעודד אותו לשתף אותנו.

לא יעיל לומר לו, “אה זה כלום!”.

מה כן?

נעריך ונכבד בלב ונביע את זה שהוא משתף אותנו בחוויות שלו.

נרגיש ונגלה אמפתיה כנה לחוויות שלו. (אמפתיה בשונה מסימפטיה אינה השתתפות בפחדים שלו אלא הבנה למקומו, לחוויה שלו, וזו החוויה שלו.)

נקשיב לו, נשתדל לתת לזה זמן ומקום והוא ירגיש שחשוב לנו לתת לו את המקום והזמן.

נזמין אותו לשתף אותנו שוב מתי שירצה ואנחנו נהיה כאן קשובים לו במידת האפשר.

אם נרגיש שיש כאן דבר חריג מדי בכמות ובעומק החוויה כדאי להתייעץ.

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